Crimson and Clover

Sorry about the lack of posting lately, the computer I use won't actually let me log onto this website. I have some issues with technology.
So, that boy that I liked? Yeah he became my boyfriend. Notice how that's past tense... We're not allowed to date anymore. My parents don't like him. I still do. It makes things difficult. He still likes me too, at least, so we're pretty good friends. We're just like awkwardly halfway together because we don't want to be apart but we can't be together.
I have terrible problems with Algebra II and I don't know why. I'm not even that bad at math, I just hate it with a passion.
My nephew is four months old! He's so cute. Except that he tried to vomit on me, and that was pretty gross.
I NEED TO SEE THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE. This is not just a passing whim, it is an honest to God necessity. Fortunately I've read all the books more than once so it's not like somebody could spoil it.
Again, technology is conspiring against me, and the laptop I'm using doesn't work unless you hold the top left corner of the screen. I'll try to go to the library or something sometime so that I could actually put up pictures or do something useful. Also, my hair is blonde again.
Ta-ta!

Mr. Jack

School is bleh. I have an 83% in Algebra II which isn't bad but it's practically failing when you think about my family's standards. Also being volleyball manager is not really my cup of tea.
But so that you don't think I'm completely negative, I have good news! This boy, that I've been thinking about, that I like... He likes me too! Yay! And also, if you remember my "ideal guy" post, this boy is so close to being everything on that list that it's kind of frightening. In fact, he's so different from other guys I've been with or almost been with that it makes me nervous. But in a good way.
My brother is currently staring over my shoulder as I type this, and it's pretty awkward. Fortunately, his vision is so bad that he can't actually read this. He has to go back to college soon and I'm using his laptop so he has sort of a vested interested in making sure I get done typing soon.
I found my old Sailor Moon movies! They just make me so happy. I was watching them last night with a friend and we decided that we're going to be Sailor Scouts for Halloween, and we're going to make one of our guy friends be the Tuxedo Mask.
Overall I'm just super happy. :)

I'm No Superman

Insomnia has been laughing at my sanity lately. Not really, but the more tired I get, the loopier I am. It makes school difficult.
Also, we have a new English teacher at school. She's really funny and I enjoy her and for some reason she reminds me of Isabel from Hipster Musings? (which should be a link but again I'm not cool enough for that) only she's older and more teachery and doesn't always listen to angsty music and stuff. Basically, she isn't anything like Isabel but for some reason I always think of her anyways.
And, I don't want to wear out the subject, buuuuut the guy I have a crush on totally likes me back. He hasn't said so, but other people have told me so, and uhm he definitely acts as though he does. He buys me an Amp almost every morning because he knows I crave caffeine constantly and that I enjoy Amp. Plus, he's an amazing artist, and he drew me a really cool picture. That made me happy. :)
This is gonna be a short post becuase I have a piano lesson in approximately ten minutes and I don't really want to add pictures or type anything actually meaningful. So, there you have it.

Feelin' Groovy

So, about this boy that I like. I think he may like me back. But unfortunately, due to years of social ineptitude and a general inexperience in actual relationships, I have no idea how to judge these things. Also, I'm such a pansy that I refuse to ask him out. At least, not yet. Plus, it's only the second week of school. I don't wanna freak him out. He's pretty quiet and shy.

I have a mildy embarassing/cute story about him, actually. In spanish class, which is third hour, we had to stand in two lines and converse with the person across from us, and then the line would move down one person. It just so turned out that he was in the line across from me, so we were partners eventually. Anywho, once we got done with our Spanish speaking, I told him I liked his bracelet-y thingy. He said thanks, and I stepped forward to look at it and asked if it was stretchy, and he said yes, and I asked if I could try it on and he said no! I was a little taken aback, but I just sort of moved on anyways, talking to him and other people to make it seem like I wasn't disappointed.

This is where the story gets cute. We have Algebra II last hour together, and he, Darbi (a friend of mine), and I sit in the front row. My teacher told us to scootch close and work together, which made me pretty happy. I'm all hunched over my textbook because I have bad vision and I also was trying to figure out what the crap I was supposed to do, and I see the bracelet plopped onto my desk. I swear, my face like lights up and I'm all, "Ohhhhhhhhhh thank you!" Then I promptly slide it onto my wrist. Not wanting to be a creeper, I take it off and offer it back to him, but he shakes his head. So I get to keep it!

This post wasn't supposed to be entirely about my little crush but I think it might end up being that way. It's so strange, sometimes he acts all cutely shy and enamored and sometimes he doesn't. I forgot to wear the bracelet the day after he gave it to me, then the next day I wore it. That day I was in Spanish and I told the girl next to me that the assignment was kicking my butt. From a little ways away, he says, "If you sit by me, I'll help you," and then he gives me this little smile! Being a major girly-girl, I'm just like, "Ok!!!" :D :D Subtlety is not my strong point. But he is so shy I don't know if he realizes quite how into him I am. He gives me these looks and smiles and does these cute little things and then sometimes he doesn't. Whatever, it's not like I care (I do pretty much care).

THIS IS WEAR RANDOM CRUSH RAMBLING ENDS. I have been watching football. I spent my day today, which by the way is the only day I haven't had homework or some kind of lesson or both, watching football, and then I came home and I'm currently watching more football. But it's understandable, because the Packers are playing. I freaking love the Green Bay Packers. Plus they're even beating Indiana, wooo!

Here's a picture of me almost right after my hair was dyed. I'm the one with the purple-ish hair and the red glittery lips. My friend is Meghan, and she's practically my sister. She's my brother's girlfriend's younger sister.



Pretty awesome huh? The picture is slightly blurry, but not bad. And yes, my skin is freakishly pale. It's just how I am, I don't actually avoid the sunlight. I would try giving you some more photos, because Meghan and I had a "high fashion" photoshoot, but lately technology has been malfunctioning around me, so I'll leave it at this.

Encantada, Jesus.

I'm drinking a cup of tea, sitting in front of the computer screen in all of my purple-haired glory. My hair is now purple. I didn't even plan this.
A couple of things have happened recently. School started, I met a cute boy that I've barely talked to, my nephew needed surgery, I wrote a short story which I will share with you later, I dyed my hair purple, and I cleaned the entire bathroom. Fortunately, my nephew is doing well and should be recovering. I had to clean the entire bathroom tonight, and it was disgusting. Cleaning the bathroom wasn't even "punishment" for dyeing my hair purple, it's just what my mom had planned for my Saturday, I guess. My mom isn't a fan of coloring hair on the best of days, and she detests the purple. It's more of a purpleish red, and it's kind of pretty, but she hates it.
I'm not even in the two classes I really wanted to be in this year. I don't have art or Kansas History. I don't like history but I need to get that stupid class out of the way.
Insomnia is killer. These last two nights I've been doing ok on the sleep thing, but other times I've either been not sleeping or having horrible nightmares. The short story I wrote is actually based on one of my nightmares.
You know what makes me really mad? All of my favorite boys are going to college or the marines or whatever. There were a whole bunch of cute senior boys last year, one of whom even told me that he like me. One of my best guy friends is going into the marines. My older brother Hunter (the father), is going to college, and my other older brother Cameron is already there. A guy who is my brother of sorts in that he's Hunter's girlfriend's brother and pretty close to me has decided to go to college this year. Even some of my band camp boys are going to the army or the marines or college! But, I suppose everyone needs to move on with their lives.
My only consolation is that there's a cute new boy this year and he's a junior (only one grade ahead of me!). We even have a ton of classes together, including Bio II and Spanish and some others. He's sooooo quiet, though, it's hard to tell what he's thinking. However, he does appear to be an amazing artist and that makes me really happy. Also his hair is really adorable and I freaking love guys with awesome hair.

Like Sims, Only Real Life

You know how every girl seems to have this fantasy of growing up, finding that one perfect guy, getting married, maybe having some children and some pets and a job that she really likes or perhaps her husband has a well-paying job so she can just relax and pursue her interests? I never had that dream. And yes I also realize that was an incredibly long sentence. But, honestly speaking, I have never really thought about that "perfect guy." I'm sure every girl thinks about it a little bit, and I have too, and I realize that this has nothing to do with anything, but here goes. My perfect guy.

My ideal man... We'll start with physical appearance. I'd want him to be taller than me, but not a whole bunch. Maybe about three to five inches. He should either be heroin-chic skinny or slightly muscular. He should have longish hair, that's perfectly floppy, whether it's straight or curly. Every time he smiles his entire face ought to light up as though he's absolutely thrilled to see me. He also should not be disgustingly hairy (if he can pass it off as endearing I suppose it's ok). He can have face stubble though. But he is definitely not allowed to have that pathetic little goatee sort of thing that every guy in my school seemed to be trying to grow last year. I don't care too much about his clothes... Nerd jeans are sort of endearing, or he could be wearing those perfectly-fitting-yet-still-baggy jeans that are so hot. The only thing I can't stand is when his pants are ripped to shreds for no reason. Hopefully he has a couple of cute hoodies and he lets me wear one. Band tees, some casual button downs, maybe some slim fit t-shirts. Wears a belt occasionally, doesn't match his shoes. He canNOT wear tennis shoes/athletic shoes all the time! It pisses me off even though there is no legitimate reason for it to make me so mad!

This fantasy boy needs to have good taste in music. It doesn't have to be the same as mine, although there should be some overlap so we can sit in the dark and hold hands and just listen to music. Actually it would be really hard for him to have good taste in music and not listen to something I listen to, because I just know a lot of music. I really hope that didn't sound pretentious... Music is a biggy. No music, no boy. He will be able to play an instrument, might be in band, or even like A BAND, and is working on either guitar/bass/drums/harmonica, perhaps even banjo. He has this amazing voice, not necessarily a good singing voice, but when he whispers cute little nothings in my ear it gives me chills. He needs to know what I'm talking about when I reference certain classical pieces, and he should have a good understanding of the 90's grunge scene even though I don't.

My dream guy needs to be intelligent, but I'm not saying he has to be more intelligent than me. I'm insecure enough that I like being smarter. It's not a good thing, but still, it happens. He should read, but he doesn't have to read as obsessively as I do. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and the Eragon series are a necessity, though, and hopefully he digs the classics too. He watches Star Wars, and uses mildly inappropriate pick-up lines, but only when he's joking and only to me. He watches anime, but not so much that I feel bad that I don't know more about it, and sometimes he presents me with new shows. He reads webcomics. We laugh at inside jokes together. He's a dreamer, and a believer, an optimist, and all the happy things I wish I could be. My parents don't have to like him, although my guy will respect them even when I don't. He gets along with my siblings. He lets me be alone sometimes, but he knows when I really need someone even if I won't say it. I don't get jealous; he shouldn't either. He isn't clingy.

He should be funnier than I am, and nicer and more sociable. He will have one really good friend but a larger group of slightly more casual friends that I mostly like. He will get my slightly cynical sense of humor and watch Nightmare Before Christmas with me more than once. My guy would laugh at my that's-what-she-said jokes and all manners of inappropriate sex jokes, and he won't berate me for my catty comments on different promiscuous girls in my school. He will let me make marginally uncalled-for jokes about hipsters and even make some of his own. Every once in a while he will take me to events or places that require me to dress up just because he knows I like excuses to wear dresses and high heels and lipstick. He's the kind of guy who never really thought about going to prom at all but took me anyways because he knows how happy it would make me. He would probably wear converse with his tux, and look amazing.

And now, all closing thoughts on my supposed perfect guy. He needs to keep his nails clean, and if his feet smell bad he should at least do something about it. If he has ever shaved his legs or if he does shave his legs, that's ok. Absolutely no crack, smack, or meth should ever be done by this boy. If he smokes weed, then that's acceptable, as long as it isn't very often and not around me. If he has done LSD or ecstasy that's whatever as long is it doesn't become a habit and he doesn't do it ever when he's over twenty-five. I don't know why twenty-five is the cut off age, it just is. Actually, no drugs are allowed if we're in high school. It's going to sound weird coming out of a fourteen year old mouth, but he needs to be able to handle his liquor. I don't want him to be drunk for some reason and come to my house crying and then throw up in my bathtub and pass out in my brother's room or something. Believe me, it happens. If he does drink, he needs to have at least reasonable taste in booze. He is not allowed to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon, a known preference of hipsters and piss-poor college students. He needs to be older than me, anywhere from two to four (or five, as I get a little bit older) years older. He needs to say what he means. Piercings are wonderful and amazing, but he needs to be able to pull them off. As for tattoos, he can have some but he isn't allowed to be completely covered in tattoos. Maybe like one or two. He should like mac n cheese and pizza rolls and spicy food. He should blow bubbles with me. And most of all, he needs to have an inborn sense of respect for everyone around him.

I guess that is my dream guy. I've never thought so intensively about it, but I suppose this pretty much sums it up. Also, I'm going to keep a diary of sorts of every song that pops into my head and starts playing it's melody whether I want it to or not. So far today it's been "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and some song by Katy Perry but I can't remember the title. And for a while I couldn't get that one pop song that goes "All the right moves in all the right places. Yeah, we're going down," out of my head.

He's Kind of Fruity

Ok, good. I just saved you from listening to (or reading, whatever) a long spiel about why I have misgivings about blogging. But since I was going to post that rant on my blog, I figured it wasn't worth it and I just spared you a bunch of whining. :)

Amazingly, crying babies don't upset me. I mean, they upset me in the way that I'm sad because something is wrong and they're crying, but the crying itself doesn't annoy me. I think the crying doesn't get to me simply because I'm cold hearted and unfeeling, but I may be wrong. Anyways, a friend was babysitting a, what else, baby, and she was freaking out because he wouldn't stop crying. I came over and calmed the baby, somehow destroying the home owner's refrigerator lock in the process. I didn't even know they made locks for refrigerators!

School is starting soon. I hate to say it, but I can't deny the truth. I'm disappointed, though... It feels like the summer has just begun, and I regret not doing a lot of things. When the summer starts, I'm always thinking that I'll read some important books, work out, be creative, become a better person, and maybe make my face pretty, but it doesn't happen. I have, however, blown a lot of bubbles, used up some of my sidewalk chalk, drawn trippy mushrooms, had picnics on my roof-porch, gone to New Orleans, and listened to a lot of music.

Also, since school is starting, I'm going to be subjected to my usual self-deprecating thoughts in full force yet again, and insecurity will become a way of life. If this sounds depressing, it's not, really. I find it kind of funny, actually.

Even though hardly anyone reads this (I got another follower, whoo!), I'm sure you are all wondering about the title. Too bad. I'll leave you with a couple of ending thoughts:

The new English teacher better be fat and funny like the last one.
Why do guys insist on wearing short shorts?
He had the best snake bites...
I hate to compare music, but The Cure is better than the Smiths.
It was really freaking hot today.
I'm watching my language.
I want to watch the Boondock Saints again.

Don't Stand So Close To Me

The county fair was going on these last couple of nights. I love the fair! Only I didn't get to see the demolition derby. That made me sad. But guess what? Two of my band camp boys came! I was so excited about that.
My fair experience consisted of "volunteer" working a lot, sitting in hippy circles, riding tons of rides, seeing a couple of very hot guys, playing games and almost never winning, and the usual 4-H stuff.
Here are some pictures for you to enjoy!



Isn't her expression of disdain just perfect? Not to mention she looks pretty awesome.

This is so what I would look like if I was awesome and cute. Look at her pink sweater! Both of these pictures are from Face Hunter and I would totally make that a link but I still have issues trying to do that so you will have to deal with it.

I would have something more substantial to say, but my thoughts are a little scattered today.

Hips Like Cinderella

So*, if you'd read my previous post, you would pretty much think that New Orleans was just about seeing Remedy Drive and they're super hot band members. That certainly was the most exciting part, but I really appreciated how it was religious and they tried to promote being a good person and such. A lot of Christians forget that while they're being Christian it's important to be a good person too.

Ok! I'm totally going to try this whole "adding pictures to my blog" thing. Let's see...

Omg, it's my face! That would be my youth group shirt, and it has a flaming Jesus fish on it.

Ok, ya, so obviously I'm having a hard time with the whole picture thing. This was my totally awesome picture of the lead singer of Remedy Drive! I was amazed that I got a picture that was in focus at their shows... I was bouncing up and down and pretty much freaking out in general.

I will add more pictures later, presumably when I've figured it out better!

Designing clothes is sort of one of my "passions" so to speak. I may not be very good at it but I definitely enjoy it. Since I am in sewing in 4-H (ugh, actually sewing is a drag), I designed a skirt for my project. It is super cute and I've finally finished sewing it! Unfortunately I have absolutely no piece of clothing that really matches it. This is where I dramatically sigh but secretly hope I get to go on a shopping trip sometime.

I have totally been listening to Pixies nonstop. I love the song "Allison" by them, for some reason it just makes me so happy. Also, in other news, my brother Hunter, the one with the baby, started following my blog, mostly because he started his own blog and was all excited to tell me about it.

*Ignore the fact that the S is blue. I can't figure it out either. At least it's blue while I'm typing this.

We Could Hold Hands and Talk About Jesus In My Hotel Room

I never realized this before, but frog legs taste like a mix between chicken and fish, and they're kind of slimy and gross. Don't let this deter you from trying them, though!

As to where I was eating frog legs, I went to New Orleans! Unfortunately, I did not get to hit up Bourbon Street. I was sort of excited about that and it didn't happen. It probably didn't happen because I went there with my church group for a Lutheran gathering. The trip was so insane!

Normally I am not a fan of Christian rock. Let's face it, most of it sucks. But! We went to see this one band (three times actually), and they were awesome. They were called Remedy Drive and from the moment they stepped on the stage I fell in love. Not only are they all super hot (eep!), they can also play really, really well. The last show we went to was at my groups hotel, and when the crowd started jumping, the floor bounced. I'm serious. They even called in more security. Then, the (insanely attractive, sadly married) lead singer says "I'm going to take this photographer girl's camera and take a picture of the crowd" and guess what? I was that girl! It probably helped that I was in the front row, right in front of him. So I'm freakin' out and he grabs my camera and takes the picture. Then he leans over, looks me in the eyes, and says, "Please e-mail this to me at remedydrive@gmail.com!" while giving my shoulder this awesome gentle squeeze. I was thinking, "Boy, I'd go to freaking heaven and back to give you this picture" but I just swooned a little and said, "I will!" I was in love. Fangirl love. The bassist was definitely the most attractive but my favorite was always the singer.

Also, there was an anime convention going on while I was there. I was so jealous that I didn't get to do any convention stuff! But I took some pictures with some of the anime nerds (aninerds? animerds?) and even talked to a couple. My youth group did not approve, but that's fine.

I ate alligator!

Anywho, when I came back from New Orleans, I got to see my nephew for the first time. He was so adorable I was practically crying. I couldn't be prouder of my brother for stepping up and being a dad. Oh, my gosh I'm an aunt!! Woo!

Sometimes it seems like life is lacking inspiration. When I feel that way I tend to listen to a lot of music and read fashion blogs. I love Tavi Gevinson's The Style Rookie, and I just recently found another one I enjoy called Hipster Musings. As nerdy as I am, I still love fashion!

I will upload pics of everything as soon as I figure out how! :)

Slender in a Fat Way

Weird Al will be playing in Wichita July 13. Unfortunately, because I have strict parents and all sorts of other complications, I can't go see him. If you don't know who Weird Al is, you really ought to Google him or look him up on Youtube or something, because he's hilarious.

Now, a list:

1. Don't stab yourself with the seam ripper.

2. Don't stab yourself with the scissors.

3. Try not to stab yourself with anything, really.

4. Do not sew your fingers, hair, or other body parts.

5. If you don't know what kind of seam you're sewing, ask.

6. All damage is probably repare-able. If it isn't, well, you're screwed.

7. If you don't have extra fabric, don't mess up.

That is my all-inclusive, comprehensive list of sewing rules. Just call it "Sewing for Nerds" or something. I'm in 4-H and one of my projects is sewing. I love clothes, which is helpful, and this time around I'm doing my own design for a skirt. I designed not only the concept, but the pattern as well. Fortunately, I love designing. I just hate it when I get all into it and then I realize that I hate sewing.
For some reason, I've still been listening to a lot of country music. Maybe just because it's summer. Anywho, there are these girls called the JaneDear Girls, and they're very good. (Their name is a take-off on the John Deer brand of tractors.)
Another good song is Grey Stables by Iron and Wine.
Don't sneak into swimming pools. Even if it's public property, it's still breaking and entering if the building is locked.

Meh

So I've recently cut off most of my hair. It's quite short. Anywho, I'm excited for the Fourth of July!
Also, Family Guy is always fun. Honestly, I haven't written in long in enough that I can't recall the chain of my thoughts. But today was so boring. I did nothing except for reread a book.
But! We got my brother enrolled in college. He will be going to K-State. When he wasn't around, though, the staff all thought I was enrolling, and they handed me the papers. It was sort of flattering, in a way. It's strange how when you're young it is a compliment to be perceived as older, but when you're older, all you want is to seem younger.

[Insert Witty Title]

"The sun hits the dirty, grungy asphalt just the right way, highlighting his eyes. As our gaze connects, a hot wind blows through the lot. It was fate. (Not really.) As we continue on our way, I can feel him looking, but not in a creeperish way. In an overly-dramatic teenage romance sort of way." Another little snippet I thought of about a boy in a Walmart parking lot.

I spent this weekend on a State 4-H Geology Field Trip. It was more fun than I had expected, although the rock collecting wasn't that great. The hotel room I stayed in had a jacuzzi, because the hotel had to upgrade our room. It was amazing.

Also, I was in a bookstore this weekend. A younger boy, probably around 10 years old, hit on me. We were just looking at books, and he says "Hey!" So of course, I reply, "Hello." He turns to me and says, "So... What author are you looking for?" And proceeds to chat me up. What a player.

Caffeine Buzz

Life is like coffee. Coffee tastes awful and you burn your mouth. But then you get a buzz (generally from caffeine, but you know, it depends on what you like in your coffee), and you realize that it is the most amazing thing ever.

In fact, if your coffee isn't biting hot and strong enough to give you intense headaches afterwards, why are you drinking it? Coffee is about starting your day off with something so awful that nothing else can be so bad. It's also about how you love it anyways, how you actually love the caffeine and/or sugar, and how it gives you a rush. I do love mochas, though, even if they are usually too sweet.

I hate blogs, in a way. No one really cares about what you do in your life; going to school, being a mother, whatever. Most people can't bring themselves to care about that. If I see a blog, and the first two entries don't have an interesting sentence (usually the first sentence) that catches my attention, I will not read it. Why would somebody want to read about your life? Most people don't even listen when you speak. So why would anybody read it?

Can anyone understand what Kurt Cobain is saying in "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana? I can't, but I love the song. It's amazing. Oh, and my brother, the 18 year old one, showed me this song called "Crown on the Ground" by Sleigh Bells. It's like, electronic, with a lot of distortion. It's pretty cool, but he said it sounded better when you listened to it in the car.

I will be an aunt this summer, soon.

Coffee Delivery Boys

"His luscious dark hair falls across one soulful, brooding eye. He steps up to their door and their gazes lock. Nonchalantly, he offers the coffee to her. With wordless communication, they exchange money, until finally, he says, "Here's your change," and he walks away." This would make me very happy if it would happen. I did, by the way, write that little snippet. I just thought I would put it in quotes anywho.

There is something about summer that just makes me want to wear sun dresses. The only sun dress I own is white and strapless. My mom does not approve of anything strapless. My older brothers tend to be very vocal on me "dressing like a whore." This is why I don't wear short shorts. Still, I know a lot of girls who hate wearing dresses. I can't help it... I like them. They're pretty. :)

"Every day is an endless stream of cigarettes and magazines." This is from Homeward Bound by Simon & Garfunkel. I love them, but obviously they are missing something in life. There is always coffee. And sidewalk chalk.

Seriously, though, if somebody (preferably a really nice boy) came and delivered me coffee, I would love them forever. Oh, yeah, that boy I was supposed to see yesterday? He never texted me. I'm tired of texting him first. So it's time to pick a new boy to have long text conversations with.

My brother, the one that turned 18, is taking the Xbox 360 with him. I'm sad.

Back Roads, Hot Sun, Country Music

Driver's ed is what you might call a major pain in the rear end. In fact, it really gets on my nerves. I do not appreciate getting up early and spending all day until nearly noon reading a pointless driving book about things I already know. However! I WILL appreciate being able to drive.

How is it that everytime you go somewhere besides the town that you live in, suddenly there are hot guys everywhere?

I've been listening to country music lately. For some reason, I'm getting this urge to drive down to Texas, go to downtown Austin and hang out in clubs with live punk/country shows every night wearing cowboy boots. Of course, I couldn't do that even if I had the time. My parents are quite strict. But country music is sort of helping with the whole Texas longing thing. Maybe cruising around in the country would be good, too.

My brother is 18 now! And my other brother will be 21 in three days. It's sort of exciting. But I'm jealous, I wish I could be 18. Then I really could just drive off to Texas. Or Vegas. Whatever.

There is a car show here in town. I was going to hang out with this one guy there but, uh, he hasn't texted me...? So I don't know what I'm going to do today. I might go look at the cars anyways, they're incredible. There are all of these tricked out trucks and cars and some nice old cars. If I figure out how, maybe I'll upload pics.

I'm a little late on the upkeep, but have you heard of Tavi Gevinson? She's an amazing teenage fashion blogger. Here is a link. Oh, wait. I can't figure out how to put links. Here is the site: http://www.thestylerookie.com/

Mario Kart: Rainbow Road

I'm the kind of person who wants to write, but I'm like, "Write? Who, me? I don't have the time!" Well, guess what? I have the time now! Do you think I've written anything? Nope! You'll notice (if there's anybody reading, that is), that I also haven't written in my blog for a while. This is because.... It's summer! Woohoo!
Unfortunately, I have to go through driver's ed this summer. Boring. And it starts tomorrow.
I love summer. I even love that bored feeling you get because you don't have anything to do. In fact, I rarely get that bored feeling anyways. Sadly, I'm not one of those girls you see at the pool tanning, or at the lake. You see, I can't tan, and as a nerd girl, I tend to be reading BBC online or listening to bands I've never heard of. It's not that I can't go outside and sit in the sun. Oh, no, that isn't it at all. I am literally the whitest person in my town (it's a small town, so it's not that hard to figure out). I go outside, I burn, and then I'm white again.
I don't know of anyone who doesn't love Mario Kart. Rainbow Road is my favorite track. They had that on the old Nintendo 64 version, too, and it was my favorite then. It doesn't matter that I almost always fall off at least nine times, I still love it.
I need coffee.

Sometimes I Wish I Could Be A Hippy Everyday

"The Tide Is High But I'm Holdin' On!"

On Sunday I had a piano recital. My friend that I was telling you about, Sarah, who used to help me with piano back in the day, was there. I was happy. I wore this little white dress I bought while I was at state speech and oh I know you don't care but it did make me happy! Anywho, I played Ivan Is Very Busy, by Katchaturian or however you spell his name. I did decently, I messed up on an easy part in the beginning, though, and that really bothered me. One of my friends played Bohemian Rhapsody. That is a major win for life.
I had a bio project due today. I stayed up so late writing my report last night... I really ought to do things sooner instead of procrastinate, but that's sort of what I do. I also went to TFC on Sunday. TFC stand for Teens For Christ. Honestly, it's not really my thing, I'm more into religion being sort of a personal thing, but whatever. My motives for going were not altruistic, however. One of my girl friends met this REALLY hot guy. I know, I know, this makes me a bad person, but we went to invite him and he came to TFC and wow was he hot. Think Taylor Lautner (Jacob off of Twilight series) only 16 and shorter with really blue eyes. Enough of my girlish rantings, though.
The title is from an old Blondies song called The Tide is High. If you're about my age, and a girl, you would recognize the song from the Lizzie McGuire movie as well. Do you remember Lizzie McGuire? She was played by Hilary Duff. I used to practically idolize Hilary Duff. I still listen to her CDs sometimes, just to reminisce.

Mothertrucking PIANO PLAYING OH YEAH

So pretty much this is how it goes: stop hoping because you will be disappointed. Don't dream too much because reality sucks that much more. Expectations will leave you hurt and tears won't help anything. So enjoy the small things, the little victories, the times when your pessimism is for nothing. Smile when something goes right, laugh at yourself (and others because they're pretty funny), and when you realize that life does actually suck, you can smile at yourself, because you were right. :)
It turns out that the above paragraph is too long for a Facebook status. But it was just so perfectly depressing that I had to keep it somehow! Anywho I had a piano recital today. It was nice. More later, if you care to read.

They Make Designer Eyepatches

Ok, so I actually have more to write, and poetry if you care to read it. I've been looking at eyepatches because the surgery my brother had was on his eye and he will be needing to wear one. So I was texting one of my friends just recently about this girl who was texting her boyfriend and flirting with him. I told her that wasn't cool, and her reply? "I mean I stole him from her a year and a half ago. Fair and square like. :)" I love my friends. Anywho, poetry.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I have a crush,
but not on you.

And the next one...

I'm in love, and I won't tell who.
I'm in love, but it's sure not with you!

Like I said, I'm not good with romantic poetry. This next one is kind of serious, though.

He says he's got his own cigarettes
excited as Barbie with a new corvette
All I wanna say
is you're smoking your life away
I want to look in his gorgeous eyes
Already touched with pain, hurt, and lies
And ask why you're smoking your life away?
I could just stop and stare
But I don't wanna look through smokey air
He says he's got his own weed
His mouth smiles but I see his eyes plead
All I wanna say
is you're smoking your life away
Does it help you cope, help your brain fry?
Or does it just make it easier to lay down and die?
I have to ask, why are you smoking your life away?
Your eyes are glossed with a dopey sheen
As you look back through your smokescreen.

It sort of ends abruptly, so maybe it's not done. Anywho, smoking doesn't really bother me, I was just worried when I wrote it. I tend to worry frequently.
Among these designer eyepatches are not only rainbow patches, but also dinosaur patches. I think I may need to get some.

Yeah, So...

The cheerleading thing never happened. Honestly, I was going to give it a go, but then I found out my brother needed surgery. I tend to get upset easily and I happen to be rather fond of my brother, so this worried me. I wasn't ready to get up early and be peppy and cheery and face the world while worrying my brains out about him. He had his surgery today, though, and he should be all right. At least I'm hoping so. And really, cheerleading? Nuh-uh.
My friend and I bought these foam swords. We have been dueling fiercely after school for the last two days, and today they started breaking. Fortunately, being the brilliant people we are, we searched out the duct tape. Not only did we find the Duck brand duct tape, we also found the Gorilla tape. We mixed species today for completely epic samauri swords. Sadly, the swords started hurting a lot more once they were covered in tape.
As for the title, I couldn't think of anything particularly witty or music-related today. Yeah, so... That's my post.

"I Used to Be Love Drunk..."

"I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover, I loved you forever, forever is over..." This is from Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls. I happen to rather love this song, and I do seem to like Boys Like Girls.
I went to state speech this last weekend! I was in Festival, not Champs, because well you see I am not quite that good at speech. But it was ok, it was a ton of fun and I did pretty well! It was exciting. And we got to go shopping on the way there! Yay! :) I'm sorry. I just can't get rid of my girlish tendencies, and I <3>boyfriend," in what was a rather possessive tone. It was just the possessive-ness that made me laugh. Jealous girls are funny. He was so cute though...
Can you imagine me, in black eyeliner and a Slipknot shirt going down to the office to pick up a cheerleading form? Well I did. I don't think I'm going to do it. If I do, I'll have to be at school at 6:15 in the morning tomorrow. Not cool.

I Talked To a Hippy and It Made My Day

You know, there is a reason why people say that love is a drug. Your brain releases different chemicals when you see that certain person, and those chemicals make you feel good, and this is what love is. I mean, that's what love is from a very non-romantic, un-idealist, and basic chemical level. But your body likes these endorphins and hormones and chemicals, because it feels nice. So when you aren't with that person anymore, you don't get anymore chemicals, and it doesn't feel nearly as nice. In fact, it feels pretty bad. After feeling all happy with your endorphins and such, without them you feel crappy. So love is literally just like any other addictive drug, and just as destructive. After all, have you ever read "Romeo and Juliet" or basically any other tragedy? (So you know, Romeo and Juliet both are miserable through almost the whole play and then kill themselves. Just a thought.)
Somebody once said "Don't have regrets because at some point what you did was exactly what you wanted to do," or something like that.
Have you noticed that a group of people will always walk in front of you slowly when you're irritated or in a hurry? I tend to be a slow walker, I won't deny that. But in general I try to make sure I don't take up the whole freaking hallway/staircase/building. Normally, a small group of slow-walkers doesn't even bother me that much, especially not if there is some room to get around them. But I swear, I was in a hurry and she said something that made me want to snap and holy crap I almost took her out right there. Like I said, though, I was in a hurry. And I may have been overreacting a smidge.
I participated in an art show last weekend. One of my photographs got a "Judge's Merit Award" or something. Also, my mother entered a photo I took, for some reason. It ended up getting like first place or something. They have the best food at that art show thing.
I have a piece of advice (coming from yours truly, since I'm probably the reason this needs to be said). Never trust your boyfriend with a girl he met at band camp.

Life is So Awkward

I think it's strange how my brother has my Katy Perry album and I have his Disturbed/Metallica/System of a Down mix CD.
I have been listening to My Chemical Romance a lot lately. Now, don't give me any of this "emo" crap, because I've heard it all before. Shut up. I just happen to like their music and maybe think Gerard Way is cute... But no seriously, I love some of their songs, and over the summer I would always listen to them.
Today in my school was Wade Day! There is a senior in my school who is one of the coolest people ever, and his name is Wade. He has also been diagnosed with leukemia. We all wore purple shirts that say Wade Warrior and there was a penny war between the classes and the pep band played in an assembly for him. Yes I am in the pep band. The pennies are all being donated to a leukemia cause, and I think we raised over $1,000.
For some reason, I love salt and vinegar chips. I hate vinegar, and I hate anything vinegar-y. I don't even really like salt and vinegar chips. I just love eating them, somehow. I happen to know they are disgusting and will still gladly eat half the bag.
"I do believe that lady was attempting to hit on you." "Meh. Could you grab me a fresh napkin? This one's got phone number all over it." This quote is from today's Questionable Content comic; it was hilarious! Go to their website and read it it is teh lolzors! (I never say that in real life, so you know.)

I So Totally Went to That Prom

So... Um... I WENT TO PROM AND IT WAS AWESOME! Thought I'd clear that up, and more on prom later.
"I feel terrible when I let you down. And I let you down every single time, so maybe you ought to suck it up." Thanks to A Softer World (another one of those webcomics I read) for that quote.
You can't let other people decide whether or not you have a good day. You can't depend on other people for your happiness. You have to let it go and make the most of what you have, no matter what it is. And when you have nothing, then you have nothing to lose, so go for it, whatever it is. It's scary, but you have to let go. I'm not saying that if you're hurt, you have no reason to feel the way you feel. By all means, feel whatever it is that you need to feel. But once you realize that it was a while ago, and yes it was a big deal, whatever you did about it has been done. Even if you just cried about it or wrote some really awful emo poetry, it happened. Give it up and move on.
Everyone has a friend (or should) who listens to all the music no one has heard of, hears the popular songs right before they become popular, and always knows what bands you're talking about. (I was just texted saying tomorrow is National Hug Day! Make sure you hug someone!) This, of course, is not me. However, I do have a friend like that, and he is always leaving random mix CD's around my house. They are always stellar; unfortunately, I never know what the bands are or what the songs are called until I get around to asking him.
Ok, so prom was fantastic. I was so worried, and so anxious... I mean, what if I like got barfed on and then died, or velociraptors attacked and no one had a plan but me? That would be disappointing. So I was so relieved when I realized everything was going great and seemed to be staying great. Actually, I was ecstatic. It was so much fun. They didn't even have a theme! They just decorated. And the after-prom was pretty cool. I learned how to play poker. No, scratch that, I learned how to fail miserably at poker. It was still great. Anyways, I just had this little bit of dread and nervousness that comes with forever being disappointed. So not only was I happy because the prom itself was awesome, but because I didn't have any reason to be so nervous! It was nice, the not worrying.
Have fun everyone! More exciting things will be happening, I'm sure.

My Pokemon Bring All the Nerds To The Yard

"My Pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard. They're like, you wanna trade cards? Darn right I wanna trade cards. I'll trade this but not my Charizard!" I give credit to Facebook for that little rhyme. I don't know who thought it up but it's genius. :) (If you still don't understand the joke then you fail.)
Anywho, I was thinking about Pokemon because this weekend, my school band went on a trip! Oh, my freaking goodness it was amazing. Our band is really small, because our school is really small, so I think there were 18 people not including adults. On the way up, we stopped at a gas station and they sold Pokemon cards and I just FREAKED. I bought a new pack of cards for the first time in like, ever. I actually bought two. It was great.
I also saw my first baseball game! It was Kansas City Royals against Boston Red Sox. The Royals lost, obviously, although I don't really care. Baseball isn't my thing, exactly. ANNNND, I saw this amazing band called Stomp. They were a trash can band, so they were like drumming on trash cans and clapping and using brooms and wow it was just so incredible. The whole performance was intense. It's much cooler than I'm probably making it sound. The whole trip was just awesome.
I have prom next weekend! Exciting, I know. Well, I'm excited. As in, SUPER EXCITED!!! I was one of those girls who dreamed about prom since I was little, and I would spend hours looking through prom dress magazines, dreaming about the perfect prom dress.
You know how I said I was reading "Kissed By An Angel?" or some book like that? Well, I didn't. I read the Hobbit, and then I think some other book, and now I just read two new books. The first book was called "Serious Kiss" and the second one was titled "The Three Juvies." I don't know who they're by, but the author of "The Three Juvies" also wrote the book "Schooled."
Oh! The school play just showed Friday and Saturday, and guess what? I'm in it! It was a murder mystery play, only there were alternate endings. It sounds weird, but after the first act, the audience votes on who they think murdered the victim, and whichever character gets the most votes determines the ending. I was the murderer Saturday! It was so much fun, and kind of nerve-wracking. By Saturday, the whole cast didn't care as much, and we were just doing little funny things and we didn't care if the audience caught on. It was a great weekend, to say the least.

Dancing on the Roof

So... My spring break is almost over. I didn't do anything for St. Patrick's day, at least not really, but I did wear green. But I was having fun not being at school! I don't really want to go back. Not that I have a choice. I still have today and tomorrow though!
Ok, so it was really warm here two days ago. It snowed yesterday. Ugh. I just want it to warm up and have winter go away! I am so looking forward to long summer days and just sitting outside (with lots of sunscreen, because I am so white that I'm practically luminescent) not worrying about school.
Have you noticed for every genre of music, there are about a billion subgenres?
If you don't mind a little (or a lot) of profanity, listen to Tenacious D. They're hilarious! Specifically, listen to "Classico." It made me laugh, a lot. Also, listen to Heart-Shaped Box by Nirvana.
Also, dancing on roofs is fun. It's even more fun if you count how many cars wave at you and your friends.

Happy Pi Day!

Today is March 14, which is pi day! You know, 3.14 and so on and so forth. Yeah. So... Anyone else here a nerd?
Alsoooo it's spring break! Yay! I'm so happy :) Of course, I'm not actually DOING anything for spring break, but you know, it's still a good thing. Doing something would be far too cool for someone like me. I'll probably be hanging out with my friends, when they aren't working or whatever. That and sitting on my butt listening to music. Oh! I also started reading "Kissed By an Angel" for the second time. I started it once and didn't get very far. And I would, uh, tell you who it's by, but I kind of forgot and I don't want to go grab the book. So yeah.
Okay, so pretty much I'm not going to stop typing about prom until about, oh say, a week after it happens. So here goes: I tried on my friend's old prom dress that doesn't fit her. And after I adjusted it a little (yes I can sew) it fit me! Yes! It is so amazingly pretty that I don't even know it just is. I was told that I will be going shopping, for shoes at least, but I still don't know if I will be wearing that dress. In all likelihood I will, but you never know. It's blue with a halter neckline and the neckline is covered in beads and it's long and flowy and pretty. As you can see, I am great at describing it.
Anywho, I'm incredibly grateful it's spring break. One of my friends got kitties! Ooh I hope I get to see them! And also, I dyed my hair. It's lighter blonde on top and red underneath. It really doesn't look too different.

Arms of a Thief

"It's a cold, cold place in the arms of a thief..." Arms of a Thief by Iron & Wine. It's a very pretty song. :)
Anywho, is anyone else ready for spring break? I am so tired of school and everything. A break would certainly be appreciated, and I get the sense that other people are feeling the same way. It would be nice not to worry about anything for a week!
Oh, my goodness! I get to go to prom! EEEEP! Ok, I'm done. But really, I am quite excited. I really want to see him and I get to wear a pretty dress and when you are as girly as me wearing a dress is an exciting proposition. It seems silly but... Even though we are just friends, when I go I want to be the only girl he looks at. Plus, we're really GOOD friends. I don't know, I don't want to seem vain or anything. Of course, I don't want to be the out-of-town skanky girl. It's awful, but at our school dances, sometimes you look at the girls from other towns and you wonder why they would get such a short dress. Or why they have to keep pulling the neckline of their dress just to keep it from falling off.
Another song to listent to is Hardwire by Metric. At least, I liked it.

I Still Say "Like Like"

Instead of saying "I have a crush on someone" I say, "Yeah I like this person." *pause* "I like like him!"
Which reminds me, I was asked to prom! It's an out-of-town prom, as in about five hours away. This boy is one of my best friends, and guess where I met him? Yup, he's a band camp boy. I haven't seen him since the summer! But there is actually a chance that I will be allowed to go to his prom, and I'm so excited. I have always wanted to prom dress shop! Actually, I will probably be borrowing a dress from a friend, but on the off chance I don't I will get to look for a prom dress of my own. Of course, I won't need a dress if I'm not allowed to go.

"I Knew You Knew..."

"I knew you knew, I knew you knew I liked you. But I figured desperate guys never had a chance with you." Desperate Guys by The Faint. I love that song!
Today was the speech tournament. It was a looong day for sure but it was definitely fun. I broke finals in both extemp and poetry, and I was super excited because not only is this my first speech meet of the year, it's my first speech meet ever! Hooray for noobs! Anywho, I did pretty well. Extemp was a little stressful for me, because I would have a lovely little speech planned out in my head, but they were too short. Also, much of the time I wouldn't exactly know what I was talking about (you draw three topics and choose the one you can best bluff your way through), and my sources didn't have information on the topics.
Also, right after we got back to our home town school, one of my friend texts me saying she got pwned by a pole because she was checking Facebook and ran into it. Don't be like my unfortunate friend, watch where you walk!

Every Pessimist Was Once an Optimist

Imagine standing up in front of your judgmental peers and an almost-as-judgmental judge and trying to put emotion into words you've only read yesterday. Or, try telling the same audience all about a topic you have had thirty minutes to think about and you very likely don't know anything about it either. That is what I will be doing tomorrow!
As uncomfortable as the situation sounds, I am excited. I have a speech tournament tomorrow and I haven't been to any this year! This means I have to be at school at 5 A.M. But I'll be doing poetry and extemp at this tournament and I hope it will be fun.
Truly, I admire optimistic people. I have slowly become more and more pessimistic, though, and it is a little disconcerting. You have all of these expectations of the world, and as you get older, more and more of them disappear because you've already been let down. Despite this seemingly depressing outlook on life, I still entertain a little moment of hopeful amusement where I think school might not be insanely freaking boring.

Pretty Girls Make Graves

I am home sick today. Bleh. But hey it means I'm not at school, which is a plus. It also means I should probably catch up on my English essay, do my math homework, and maybe learn my lines for the school play. This is not very likely, but it could happen.
Has anybody been listening to some good music lately? I am sadly feeling a lack of metal in my life. It is a little discouraging. Of course, I've started listening to a lot of trippy indie music, so that almost makes up for it. Today, I am listening to mostly Pretty Girls Make Graves and The Sounds, and both of them are really great bands. I wouldn't classify them as "indie" but then again, I don't really know exactly what counts as indie. Indie is can either be a genre or a term for a band that isn't signed. Don't ask me how this works.

Weekends...

My Valentine's Day was not, in fact, spent doing Valentine-y things. Are you amazed? Because I'm certainly not. I was in Topeka, KS participating in CIA, which actually stands for Citizenship In Action. It was a 4-H event, and I got to pretend to be a member of the House of Representatives. I amended bills and debated whether certain bills should be passed or not. I also learned to swing dance. All in all, I felt like a nerd.
Now that it's the next weekend, you would think I would spend it in a relatively average relaxing manner, but that is not the case. I spent six hours yesterday arguing over the correct way to name and label different rocks, minerals, and fossils. I am not even kidding. It was the Kansas State 4-H Geology Action Group meeting, and I am now the vice chair of this group. I was kind of a celebrity there, though, because I am the only person in the state who does Lapidary. Lapidary is a section of Geology only you polish the rocks and make them shiny and pretty. All the people crowded around me and started telling me that they've seen my display and it was gorgeous, and ohhh, do you think you could show us your rocks? It was very weird.
I could write much more, but I have no time to do so....

I Wish I Had My Own Pet Dinosaur

So, it's getting pretty close to Valentine's Day. Of course, I will not be doing anything particularly Valentine-related on the actual day, but I'm sure some people will.
Today was the day in school where we received our carnations. You see, in my school you can buy different colored carnations for people that mean different things. It comes with a little heart card that you either sign or mysteriously leave anonymous. My best friend and I always arrange to send each other pink (Secret Admirer) ones, so we at least definitely get one carnation, and so we can giggle coyly about an imaginary boy while our other friends ask us who it is. I was given three carnations, all of them from people I already knew I was getting ones from. Still, it's nice to be told your friends love you! Also, we filled out "Matchmaker" quizzes, and today, you could buy the results for your school. The boy who was my so-called number one match was teasing me all day about him being my "number one." It was kind of cute, but so embarrassing because this boy knows I used to have a crush on him! My best friend certainly thought it was funny.
I have a four day weekend! Yes! I am so glad for this break from school. Not to mention my grades are not doing so well, and I might even spend this weekend working on stuff that probably already should have been done. I seriously almost punched a boy who was making fun of my grades. I didn't because I had a test to take, so instead I shouted expletives at him in front of the whole class. It was pretty great.
I'm having problems sleeping still. I don't understand why I can't sleep. I also have a tendency to pass out? And I'm beginning to think the two things may be related.
Trail mix should always have chocolate in it.

Blink of an Eye

So much has happened since New Year's that I am not even going to try to summarize. There were lots of band-related developments, of course, and I even ended up having a trumpet solo in jazz band. I don't even play the trumpet! At least not well, by my standards. But I managed to not only NOT fail fantastically at said solo, but I did pretty well I think.
Well, in honor of this being February, I have a little poem. It goes like this:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a crush
But not on you!
I'm not a big fan of mushy poetry. I mean, I think it is really cute, but I can never write it. I start out really sweet and romantic but I end up writing something derogatory or otherwise insulting. It can be really funny, but it makes for poor Valentine poetry.