Rant

Dear popular media,
Thanks for telling me everything I need to know about all of the important things in life. Thank you Seventeen, for propagating a Healthy body image at under 100 pounds and showing me how to make my body super sexy so guys will like me. Also, those "dressing for your body shape" tips? They totally make me feel better about myself! I like how I should conform to one specific body type and shape in order to look attractive. Thank you Cosmo, for teaching teenagers sex tips that could put them in the hospital, and women that pleasing the man in their life is the most important thing. It's also super cool how you urge us to have hot, exciting sex but then make women feel bad about having too many partners. Thank you Twilight for showing me how to be completely dependent on a guy for both my happiness and my psychological well-being. You also gave me a lot of neat ways to help me deal with my emotions! Not expressing them, shutting down, never talking to people, and engaging in dangerous behaviors are all things I'm going to try the next time I'm upset.
Sincerely, well-informed. (right?)